Consider these seemingly benign statements that we say to ourselves on a daily basis:
“I can’t tell the truth because I may get judged…” “I don’t want to get close to this person lest my heart gets broken…” “I don’t want to ask for what I want because, what if I get rejected?” “I can’t trust people because I’ve been betrayed before…” “I can’t pursue my dreams because I don’t know what I’d do if I fail…” “I can’t do X because of Y…”
Can you spot the self-limiting thoughts behind these statements? Here are seven false beliefs that hold many from living a great life.
False Belief #1: “I can’t be my real self or I’ll be judged.”
I often watch videos of Oprah, Ellen DeGeneres, and other successful people on YouTube because I get to learn more about them and absorb their wisdom. I’ve noticed that no matter who the person is or how inspiring he/she may be, there’ll always be detractors trying to tear him/her down. For example, with Oprah’s videos, I usually see detractors calling her “a fat hag,” “an overweight, money-grubbing whore,” and “a black racist.” Detractors of Ellen usually describe her as a “homo,” a “disgusting gay,” and an “evil lesbian who violates Jesus’ teachings, destroys the sanctity of marriage, and is going to hell.” Seeing such comments helps me to realize that people are always going to judge, no matter how great of a person you are. You can never please everyone because everyone is different with his/her own set of opinions. Since everyone is different, why bother trying to please people? You are better off being yourself and owning your real self! Embrace these beliefs instead:
“It is not my job to please people in life.” “Be myself; there’ll never be anyone else like me.”
Further reading:
7 Tips To Tackle Naysayers in Your Life 8 Helpful Ways to Deal with Critical People
False Belief #2: “I can’t fall in love or I’ll get my heartbroken.”
I used to carry this belief subconsciously. While I had been open to dating and being in a relationship since young, subconsciously I was afraid to love because I didn’t want to be rejected and have my heart broken. So, even though I would verbally say that I wanted to be in a relationship, I never truly opened my heart to others. It was only in my late 20s when I let go of that belief, and subsequently found my soulmate. Now, if I had continued to close myself off, my now-husband and I would have never had gotten together; I would also not have found the love of my life. This would have been my greatest regret — except that I wouldn’t get to regret it because I wouldn’t even know what I had missed out! To find true love, you need to put yourself out there and allow yourself to be vulnerable. While you may get hurt in the process, it’s part and parcel of any love journey. Know that it’s not possible to form a true connection without first allowing yourself to be vulnerable. Embrace these beliefs instead:
“I love freely because it is part of being human.” “It is by opening my heart that I will attract the right kind of love into my life.” “Heartbreaks help me to learn more about myself and love; they move me closer towards attracting the right person into my life.”
False Belief #3: “I can’t ask for what I want lest I get rejected.”
In life, people face rejection all the time. Rather than avoid rejection, learn how to handle it. Know that rejection is merely a process that lets you know that you’re poking in the wrong direction, so that you can adjust your strategy and redirect yourself in the right direction. By shying away from asking because you don’t want to face rejection, you’ll only rob yourself of opportunities to get what you want. The universe wants to give you what you want — create the opportunity for it to do so. Embrace these beliefs instead:
“Rejection is part and parcel of life. Every ‘no’ will lead me closer to a ‘yes.’” “I need to first ask in order to receive.”
False Belief #4: “I can’t trust people lest they betray my trust.”
When I was in primary school, I found out that my then-best friend spoke ill about me the whole time we were “best friends,” even though she would always be saccharine sweet before me. As a twelve-year-old adolescent who was already self-inferior, this incident left me feeling worse about myself. Even though this was a negative experience that made me more guarded, I realized – after embarking on my personal growth journey – that being guarded doesn’t help me to forge meaningful connections. While it may prevent me from getting hurt, it limits me from forming deep friendships with anyone. Trust freely, while being smart about how you handle toxic people who betray your trust. Cut off the bad eggs in your life while opening yourself fully to receive new people into your life. Embrace these beliefs instead:
“Everyone is deserving of my trust unless otherwise disproved.” “Without trust, I can’t form a meaningful relationship with anyone.”
Further reading: The Secret To Meaningful, Fulfilling Social Relationships
False Belief #5: “I can’t pursue my dreams because I may fail.”
Before I came to pursue my dreams, there was a brief moment when I worried about failing. What if I fail? I thought. What would happen to my life? Would I be deemed a failure, a loser, a good-for-nothing? However, it didn’t take long before I realized that my fear was redundant. Firstly, by doing proper strategizing, planning, and taking due action, there was no reason why I would fail. Secondly, even if I were to “fail” (as defined by not generating revenue before my savings run out), I could always return to the corporate world, generate more savings, and then return to pursue my dreams after a year or two. I could simply just do this over and over again, until I succeed. Failure is over-glorified in today’s world. People fail all the time; there’s no need to make a big hoo-haa out of it. What’s more important is the actions you take when things don’t go your way. How can you learn from your failures? How can you turn your failures into success? These are the questions to ask yourself to create the future of your dreams. Embrace these beliefs instead:
“My dreams are mine for the taking.” “Whatever I can conceive, I can achieve. It’s up to me to take the steps to make things happen.”
Further reading: How to Achieve Any Goal with Success (seven-part series)
False Belief #6: “I don’t need to be successful, so I’m not going to strive for success.”
Uh-oh, the self-intellect’s trap. I carry a variation of this belief sometimes, such as “I don’t need a lot of money to live a great life, so I’m not going to strive for riches,” and have to catch and correct myself when that happens. The danger with this belief is that it creates this intellectual, rational, even convincing self-justification on why you shouldn’t be successful (or even, why you aren’t successful right now), when actually, it’s in your destiny to be successful, wealth, abundant, or whatever you want to be. And believe it or not, the only person who can break this trap is you yourself, because the ego can find unlimited ways to justify its state of being. You don’t need a reason to achieve success because you’re meant for success. But supposed you do need one — what would you do if you are hugely successful, have a billion dollars in your bank, and are well-known throughout the world? How can you put this success, money, and fame to the highest use of all? Perhaps this answer will be the answer you need to strive for your highest potential. Embrace these beliefs instead:
“I succeed simply because I can be.” “By being successful, I have more resources to achieve my highest goals and dreams and to support the highest good of mankind.”
False Belief #7: “It’s too late to pursue my dreams.”
Everyone knows Colonel Sanders, the founder and ambassador of Kentucky Fried Chicken (KFC). However, did you know that before Sanders became a world-famous Colonel, he was a “sixth-grade dropout, a farmhand, an army mule-tender, a locomotive fireman, a railroad worker, an aspiring lawyer, an insurance salesman, a ferryboat entrepreneur, a tire salesman, an amateur obstetrician, an (unsuccessful) political candidate, a gas station operator, a motel operator and finally, a restaurateur”? It was between the ages of 48 and 49 that Sanders finalized his now-famous “Original Recipe” for KFC with 11 herbs and spices. At the age of 65 in 1955, Sanders traveled the U.S., visiting from restaurant to restaurant, knocking from door to door, and cooking batches of chicken for the restaurant owners to convince them to franchise his chicken. In 1964 at the age of 74, Sanders sold the company to investors for US$2 million (about US$15 million today), a lifetime salary, and the agreement that he’d be the company’s quality controller and trademark. I don’t care much about the KFC restaurant since I don’t eat meat, but Sanders’ story is both inspiring and chocked full of lessons. If you often say that it is too late to pursue your dreams, recognize that your age isn’t the real limiting factor here — your belief that it is a limiting factor, is the limiting factor. Forget the standard societal track of success where one needs to be at a certain place in life at a certain age to be considered successful. Your life path is bigger than such predefined tracks. Create your own life path and make it happen. Embrace these beliefs instead:
“It’s never too late to pursue anything. What’s more important is that I take action now.” “Age is just a number. My current age is just a reflection of the number of years I’ve been alive, but not a reflection of my unlimited power as a being.”
Further reading: How To Overcome Fear Of Loss And Pursue Your Dreams
How About You?
Do you carry any of these false beliefs? How are you going to turn them around? Share with me in the comments section. Original Article: 7 Limiting Beliefs Keeping You from Living Your Best Life | Personal Excellence Featured photo credit: StandUPP via flickr.com
